So how do you get through to an addict?

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A fight you can't win?
Sadly, trying to win an argument with an addict is near impossible and ultimately when you try to reason with an addict an argument is what ensues. Keep in mind, you are in fact attempting to have a rational conversation with someone who's mind has been chemically altered.  You may find yourself in those slim moments of an addicts sobriety, when they are between hits, or drinks trying to make headway with them but their mind is still going to be in denial.

Can I get through to an addict?
You may not be able to get through to an addict. Why? Because Addicts have to hit their own bottom. Something you can do is get through to yourself. If you find yourself running into a brick wall with trying to "help" an addict it may be time to change up the strategy. That usually means looking at what you can change to make your struggle with them easier.  It may mean cutting yourself off from them. It may mean stopping all means of support. It may mean going to the most extreme to get them into treatment. The addict is on life support from whoever they can get something from and cutting this resource off from them may result in them finding their "bottom" a lot sooner.

What is something bad happens to your addicted loved one once you cut them off?
You may have fears of what will happen to an addict if you cut yourself off. What if they start stealing, resorting to prostitution, hanging out with dangerous people? You may have to accept that your addicted loved one is already doing these things, and that nothing they do, is any MORE dangerous than the drug they are addicted to. Sleeping under bridges, consorting with dealers, prostitution, are all no more dangerous than the drug is.

Support for yourself: It has to happen first
The addict may need support and treatment, but while they are still in their addiction it is imperative that you seek out information and support for yourself. Especially when you are preparing to cut yourself off from their manipulation, guilt trips and threats. Support groups in your area are a great way of you to find the strength that you need to make it through this nightmare. Do not limit your resources and support by keeping an addicts secret. This is a form of manipulation that you may be aware of when you hide their addiction. This cuts you off from the support you need when you feel you can't share your pain and struggle. Seek out help from anywhere you can.

Your journey with the addicted loved one
One thing to help a friend or family member stay sane in an unfair world of loving an addict is to keep a journal. Not only is writing your feelings down therapeutic to you, but when your addict becomes a clean and sober entity, (never give up hope)...present them with this journal, so that they can read it with a clear mind, and fully appreciate your struggle and your pain. Not to make them feel guilt, in fact, put many positive feelings in the journal, memories of better times, things you loved about them before the addiction, things you want and wish for them in the future. Once an addict gets treatment, cleans up and takes a look at your journal, your life with them as chronicled in the journal...you may be surprised to find a closer bond to them. They will see just how beautiful your love is for them. This will give them the courage, to keep sober, clean and a positive force of happiness to you.

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What about the children?

Image via Wikipedia

If you have children in the family, and a relative, parent, or close friend are addicted, how do you handle it? Depending on their level of understanding and comprehension, you can usually explain things to them as honestly as possible. You should use a careful and well planned approach. I believe being honest with children is always the best policy, especially if they are asking about it. If they are too young, it may not be necessary to pull them in. If possible, don't pull them into it at all and protect them from any exposure, especially while the addict is under the influence. For the record, when I say addict, I mean an addict of drugs, alcohol, etc.

Tips for Addicted Families with Children

1. Never leave a child alone with an addict

2. Never leave a child/children in the care of an addict (even if the addict is the parent)

3. Do pay your child extra attention and give them not only plenty of love but positive support

4. Never ever put an addict and their needs in front of your child. Ever.

5. Children should never be in an addicts home. Many addicts have drugs, and drug paraphernalia that can be extremely dangerous and deadly to children.

Related articles by this author:

• Another South Carolina baby testing positive for drugs 
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• What makes some people become an addict? 
• Infant dies due to mother's Morphine laden breast milk 

Why The Addicted Family?

Image via Wikipedia Addicts are seldom a single entity. I for one, will go on record as saying, I don't like giving addicts excuses by blaming their families. That being said, the reason for the title The Addicted Family is because the whole family is made ill by the addiction.

If you ever spent a sleepless night, or rode around looking for your addict all over town, or lied to people to cover for the addict, you're just as ill as they are. Don't fret, this is how love copes initially with this type of disease.

We do things, in the name of love that defy logic in the eyes of those not in this vortex. We even imitate some of the addicts behavior. No? Have you ever lied, even though it went against what you believe in?

Have you ever given them money that you knew wasn't all yours to give to help them get a fix so they wouldn't get sick? Have you helped them break the law by driving them to where ever they go to  get what they need?

You become an addict, you are addicted to them, their life, their needs come before your own. You are absorbed into their soul, and your happiness is only when you know where they are, and that they are ok...for the moment. When you see them, you are getting your temporary fix.

You breathe a sigh of relief when they finally show up at your door, and collapse on your couch. Maybe they were out all night, maybe they drove a car under the influence...no matter what the circumstances, you are now like the addict, once he pulls that strap off his arm, or has that final drink before he passes out.

This is why the family is now the addicted family. Its no dig on you, you've done what you could. What lies in store for your happiness now? Does it all hinge on the addict? Does it all come down to what they are going to  do, or does it fall squarely in your lap, and what you will no longer do?

Helping an addicted loved one

Addiction is a disease that poisons whole families.

Image via Wikipedia

Corey Haim, child star of the Lost Boys etc, was found dead in his apartment from an apparent drug overdose at the age of 38.

How do we fight this battle in our own families to avoid this tragic end? Sadly, drug use enters into a family much like a thief in the night. By the time you realize it, it is usually well in force. Family members find themselves in unfamiliar territory as they journey through this devastating attack on their loved ones. Fighting a drug problem, whether your own or a family members takes courage and determination. Summoning support for a wide variety of resources is the only way to combat it head on. 

Image via Wikipedia

 
Strength in numbers-

You are not alone. Once you realize you have a member of your family or a friend that is an addict, take a hold of yourself. Your strength wont only help you, it will help them. Find friends, get over the shame, and realize many people out there know how to help you, even if its just through mutual compassion and understanding. You need this reinforcement, you're up for a huge battle and you have to be ready to call on support. An addict can manipulate, lie, steal and trick you in their attempts to gain money and other means of support from you. You need others input to help you. You also need to use some of the addicts own methods to help them. Tactics to battle this disease often times means using many methods, if you have to trick them, or lie to get them the help they need do not hesitate. Every minute of addiction is one more nail in the users coffin. Tomorrow will not be easier than today.

Get educated-

Know what signs to look for. Some to keep an eye out for is lying, dilated pupils, blood shot eyes, sweating, snoring or unsettling sleep patterns, shortness of breath, irrational behavior, change in personality and temper. Research the drug, and the information that is available. Your local library and your own computer offers a wealth of information on the subject. To fight any disease is to have the right knowledge.

Plan your confrontation ahead of time-

Summon your support and round up your family and friends to help. Tell them you care and love them and know in your heart that they are a good person that made a bad decision. Say what you mean and mean what you say. An addict will sleep in the gutter if they have to, so idle threats are of no use to them. You have to make them understand the extremes you are willing to go to. If it means calling their employer, or reporting them to the police do so. You are fighting for their life, and regret is a painful thing to live with if you do nothing and they die. Don't cover for them. Don't make life easy for them. Use any means necessary to get them into treatment. If they are really bad off, get them help immediately. Do not waste time with outpatient services. They need inpatient round the clock care.

Get counseling for yourself-

There are wonderful support groups out there for you, and your family.

Do know, that people do overcome addiction. Do not give up, addiction takes dedication to recovery. Yours and your loved ones. Relapses may occur, but the ongoing key to lifetime recovery is lifetime commitment to fight it.

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• Support for addiction in the family
• What makes some people become an addict?