The addicted family has to learn a few things when dealing with their addicted loved one. Your resolve has to match the strength of the addiction. This may mean taking drastic steps to fight the addict on every ground. If your addicted family member is employed, you may have to take the step of informing their employer. In some cases not only does it help the addict by removing a source of money to feed the addiction, but it also may save the addicts life as well as the life of someone else.
Many addicts hold down jobs for quite some time before it starts becoming noticeable in the workplace, and even then without some places implementing random drug testing, the liability is tremendous. One advantage an addicted family has over the addict is a sound mind. As the addict delves deeper and deeper into their addiction, rational thinking, the ability to recognize what is going on around them becomes diminished. With this in mind, families can band together to form a strong force. A count down is beginning. A count down that either leads to recovery or death. Form a think tank with family and friends on ways to take down the addict's net of enablers. This can be people, jobs, bank accounts they have access to, etc. Time is of the essence.
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Monday, August 30, 2010
Wednesday, August 25, 2010
What about the children?
Image via WikipediaIf you have children in the family, and a relative, parent, or close friend are addicted, how do you handle it? Depending on their level of understanding and comprehension, you can usually explain things to them as honestly as possible. You should use a careful and well planned approach. I believe being honest with children is always the best policy, especially if they are asking about it. If they are too young, it may not be necessary to pull them in. If possible, don't pull them into it at all and protect them from any exposure, especially while the addict is under the influence. For the record, when I say addict, I mean an addict of drugs, alcohol, etc.
Tips for Addicted Families with Children
1. Never leave a child alone with an addict
2. Never leave a child/children in the care of an addict (even if the addict is the parent)
3. Do pay your child extra attention and give them not only plenty of love but positive support
4. Never ever put an addict and their needs in front of your child. Ever.
5. Children should never be in an addicts home. Many addicts have drugs, and drug paraphernalia that can be extremely dangerous and deadly to children.
Tuesday, August 24, 2010
Why The Addicted Family?
Image via Wikipedia Addicts are seldom a single entity. I for one, will go on record as saying, I don't like giving addicts excuses by blaming their families. That being said, the reason for the title The Addicted Family is because the whole family is made ill by the addiction.If you ever spent a sleepless night, or rode around looking for your addict all over town, or lied to people to cover for the addict, you're just as ill as they are. Don't fret, this is how love copes initially with this type of disease.
Have you ever given them money that you knew wasn't all yours to give to help them get a fix so they wouldn't get sick? Have you helped them break the law by driving them to where ever they go to get what they need?
You become an addict, you are addicted to them, their life, their needs come before your own. You are absorbed into their soul, and your happiness is only when you know where they are, and that they are ok...for the moment. When you see them, you are getting your temporary fix.
You breathe a sigh of relief when they finally show up at your door, and collapse on your couch. Maybe they were out all night, maybe they drove a car under the influence...no matter what the circumstances, you are now like the addict, once he pulls that strap off his arm, or has that final drink before he passes out.
This is why the family is now the addicted family. Its no dig on you, you've done what you could. What lies in store for your happiness now? Does it all hinge on the addict? Does it all come down to what they are going to do, or does it fall squarely in your lap, and what you will no longer do?
There is light at the end of the tunnel for addiction
Image via WikipediaTo those here seeking support. There is hope. I know that sounds simple, perhaps too simple, and I wouldn't even utter these words if I did not know for a fact that this is true. There is light at the end of the tunnel.
My loved one was addicted to two separate things, alcoholism, and crack. Lovely combination, right? The alcoholism, existed to my knowledge beyond 20 years. The crack came much later. However, it is important to note that one is a red flag of the other. How so? The disease is an equal opportunity employer. The same mentality that makes a soul succumb to alcohol, will also make this person succumb to any addictive, mood altering, chemical and/or behavior.
This doesn't mean that every alcoholic becomes a drug addict, nor every addict an alcoholic..what it does mean is the likelihood of this becoming a multi-level addiction is there, and the condition is transferable, all encompassing. You will notice many are addicted to a lot of substances and behavior, including but not limited to sex, cigarettes, & gambling-any form of gambling, whether it is casino style, placing bets of any kind on a regular basis even to the detriment of their financial stability, and also buying compulsively-lottery tickets.
So you may feel you are up against a true legion of sorts. You are, but hopeless? No. As of today, my addicted loved one is clean and sober for over three years. How long were they in treatment? All of ten days! Yes, now am I not by any means saying ten days is all it takes? No. Everyone is different. These results may not be typical, but my reason for mentioning it is simply to let you know, there is hope, there is light at the end of the tunnel. Don't you dare give up. I will say this, if Mohamed won't come to the mountain, the mountain must be brought to him.
Finding support, overcoming the shame
Image via Wikipedia Lets face it, there are support groups everywhere. Some ~ you have to attend to physically, at other times you rally your support in the form of friends and relatives. It's still a lonely existence. Friends and family, hopefully can offer some support but more often than not, they will not understand. No doubt you will be told to seek guidance from a wide variety of outlets and its great for some, but not a perfect fit for others. The best place to find support is from those who have gone through it, lived the nightmare and come out on the other side in one piece.This is my story. My wish is that you will find hope in this painful journey, hope and help before it comes to the worse end possible. A very wise and cherished friend once told me, in my weakened state of co-dependency, "You have to be happy whether your loved is or not"...those words ring in my mind, every day, a life saving Mantra if you will. Now advice was actually in all honesty in relation to a separate issue altogether, but alas, it works for the family members of an addict as well. You have to go on, live, be happy and function. So often we are pulled under, and into the depths of an addicts Hell. They are blind to it, and oddly enough, it is all you can think about.
So where is the support, calling all cars, the infantry? Let's say first and foremost, it comes from within. You can not fight this beast until you summon your strength inside. This is a beast by the way, make no mistake..and they have your loved one, and you held hostage. Overcoming this beast is about overcoming some of the emotional hang ups you have and becoming the thinking man. Beating addiction is a strategy, make no mistake about it.
Helping an addicted loved one
Addiction is a disease that poisons whole families.
 Image via Wikipedia |
Corey Haim, child star of the Lost Boys etc, was found dead in his apartment from an apparent drug overdose at the age of 38. |
How do we fight this battle in our own families to avoid this tragic end? Sadly, drug use enters into a family much like a thief in the night. By the time you realize it, it is usually well in force. Family members find themselves in unfamiliar territory as they journey through this devastating attack on their loved ones. Fighting a drug problem, whether your own or a family members takes courage and determination. Summoning support for a wide variety of resources is the only way to combat it head on.
You are not alone. Once you realize you have a member of your family or a friend that is an addict, take a hold of yourself. Your strength wont only help you, it will help them. Find friends, get over the shame, and realize many people out there know how to help you, even if its just through mutual compassion and understanding. You need this reinforcement, you're up for a huge battle and you have to be ready to call on support. An addict can manipulate, lie, steal and trick you in their attempts to gain money and other means of support from you. You need others input to help you. You also need to use some of the addicts own methods to help them. Tactics to battle this disease often times means using many methods, if you have to trick them, or lie to get them the help they need do not hesitate. Every minute of addiction is one more nail in the users coffin. Tomorrow will not be easier than today.
Get educated-
Know what signs to look for. Some to keep an eye out for is lying, dilated pupils, blood shot eyes, sweating, snoring or unsettling sleep patterns, shortness of breath, irrational behavior, change in personality and temper. Research the drug, and the information that is available. Your local library and your own computer offers a wealth of information on the subject. To fight any disease is to have the right knowledge.
Plan your confrontation ahead of time-
Summon your support and round up your family and friends to help. Tell them you care and love them and know in your heart that they are a good person that made a bad decision. Say what you mean and mean what you say. An addict will sleep in the gutter if they have to, so idle threats are of no use to them. You have to make them understand the extremes you are willing to go to. If it means calling their employer, or reporting them to the police do so. You are fighting for their life, and regret is a painful thing to live with if you do nothing and they die. Don't cover for them. Don't make life easy for them. Use any means necessary to get them into treatment. If they are really bad off, get them help immediately. Do not waste time with outpatient services. They need inpatient round the clock care.
Get counseling for yourself-
There are wonderful support groups out there for you, and your family.
Do know, that people do overcome addiction. Do not give up, addiction takes dedication to recovery. Yours and your loved ones. Relapses may occur, but the ongoing key to lifetime recovery is lifetime commitment to fight it.
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