There is hope for addiction

Image by ashley rose, via FlickrBefore you read anything else on this site I want you to know there is hope. I would never tell you this unless I knew it with all of my heart, and I have experienced both the devastation of addiction, and the empowerment of seeing the disease conquered.Addiction can be fought and won. It is a possible and it happens every day. The commitment to the recovery is what is key. If you have found yourself here to find help, support and answers for what to do, you need to know there are many going through what you are going through and many have given up too soon, and/or the addict was not committed to the recovery that has to take place.
Please don't hesitate to contact me if you have additional questions. I will try my best to help you and if I don't know the answer I will find someone that does.
This disease can be won, the unseen chains that have you and your loved one captive can be broken but for it all to come together and work you have to gain the knowledge and the strength to know exactly what you are up against and how to get your own game face on. This is about conquering your fears and your commitment to the process that has to happen too. This is why this site is called The Addicted Family, because the whole family is ill. Not just the addict, but the addict infects every member that has feeling for them. whether its your mom, dad, brother, uncle, aunt, cousin or good friend. Their illness, their addiction is all consuming. If you've made it here its probably because you're ready to save a life. Their life, and yours. There is hope and this you must believe. There is hope. If you can't believe this, and you've become resigned, you are probably wasting your time here. If you still want to fight to save the addict or to save yourself, then please, lets get ready. The battle is on. Get the facts about the specific addiction, learn all you can, and get the empowerment you need. Did you know, most addicts count on you not knowing what they are dealing with? Yes, they do. As long as they think you don't understand they will shut you out. Becoming knowledgeable on their problem puts you one step ahead of what they anticipate. Every tool you have in your arsenal is needed. It all begins with what you understand about addiction and the individual disease(s) you or your loved one is fighting.
Good luck, you're not alone, contact me if you need me, and please study this site, its here for you. And one last thing..I know I have already said, it but it bears repeating...THERE IS HOPE.

Famous Addicts

If you think you are alone in your fight with addiction you are very much mistaken. In fact the only thing that makes you unique and different in this point and time today is the fact that you are still alive. Addiction takes everyone down to their knees and this partial list of famous addicts is proof that you are headed down a one way track, and like these celebs found out, you may never come back.

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Celebrity! Confessions of a Celebrity Addict 

Celebrity Addict (add name of favourite celebrity)Mug

The Harder They Fall: Celebrities Tell Their Real-Life Stories of Addiction and Recovery 

Celebrity Addict (add name of favourite celebrity) Keychain 

Reefer Madness: A History of MarijuanaAddicts - Face Tapestry 

 

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A Prick of a Needle, A Lifetime of Sting by D. Gagnon

Loving you used to feel so good, it was a drug of its own..
Now, I can't see you in your eyes, and  I'm all alone..
Loving you meant days to look forward to..
Now it only means hiding from you.
.
Loving you was something I could actually feel
Now love has gone numb, even though it's still real..
Loving you was long days of having you here
Now loving you means nothing but fear..
Loving you was seeing love in your eyes..
Now its all about a new love, a love that lies..
A prick of a needle, a lifetime of sting..
Was this the song you wanted to sing?
Did you need to leave me this way?
Did it take you where you wanted to go?
Now I'm alone looking down at your grave..
Where are you now, beneath that cold hard stone..
You could have told me you hated me..
You could have said you don't love me anymore..
I could have taken that over this you see?
So tell me, what was all of this for?
A prick of a needle, a lifetime of sting..
Was this the song you wanted to sing?
I hope you are now free of your pain,
but for me, this means a lifetime of rain...
And you can now lay and rest in peace..
While I go on, and cry over your memory.
.
You could have just stopped loving me..
That would have hurt less you see..
To lose you to something else, someone new
Was something I know I could get through..
But to lose you to this evil thing?
A prick of a needle, a lifetime of sting..
Was this the song you wanted to sing?
What was the power of what you did..
That sealed your fate under its lid..
Goodbye my lover, good bye my  friend..
I wish I could have saved you in the  end..
Your last walk here was a hard one..
As we  watched you come undone..
You had to have just one more hit..
and you just wasn't ready to quit..
A prick of a needle, a lifetime of sting..
Was this the song you wanted to sing?
Now you've  gone where I can't be
A life lost,  a real travesty..
This is what loving you became..
and now all I know is about the rain..
A prick of a needle, a lifetime of sting..
Was this the song you wanted to sing?

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The Enabler

What is an Enabler?


As defined by Wikipedia, enabling is also used in the context of problematic behavior, to signify dysfunctional approaches that are intended to help but in fact may perpetuate a problem.  A common theme of enabling in this latter sense is that third parties take responsibility, blame, or make accommodations for a person's harmful conduct (often with the best of intentions, or from fear or insecurity which inhibits action). The practical effect is that the person themselves does not have to do so, and is shielded from awareness of the harm it may do, and the need or pressure.

Ok so that is the technical description, for the rest of us, an Enabler is someone that helps the addict succeed in being addicted. Sound too simple? It isn't. An enabler is another part of the addiction in the family. Enablers tend to be addicted to the addict. They are ruled by fear. The problem is their perception of protection and help is warped. They are often holding the loaded gun to the addicts head, along with the addict. The addict uses this gun (addiction) to manipulate the enabler, the enabler uses the gun/addiction as a means to keep them safe believing they are controlling the addiction and the addict. The enabler is just as deadly as the addict.

Yes, it is a hard pill to swallow, but if you are giving an addict money, or offering them any assistance with money, paying their rent, giving them rides, you are helping them rush to the gallows. No one wants to be the enabler, but somehow our love for our addicted loved one blinds us as much as it does the addict. We are in a trap, right along with the addict except their condition has now become our drug.
Where do you separate the line between love and addiction? Love and help, love and letting go?

To the addict, One day your family will get to the point where they have prepared mentally for your death, and if you make it long enough to realize this, you will know you are now truly alone with your addiction. The day the family support has lost hope, is the day you either own your disease and get help or you run toward the finish line that is at the end of your life. You know who your enabler is, and guess what, they are dying with you.  It's not that they have stopped loving you, they just got tired of watching you stop loving yourself. It's not that they don't want to help you, they are just tired of you not helping yourself. They don't want you to die, but they are tired of being a witness to your death. There does come this day, where you will run through their fingers like sand, and instead of cupping their hands to stop you from falling, they will just let you go.


Is your story your crutch?
Some may hold on to the hope to the bitter end. Hold fast to them and pray that they bring your bottom to you, since you seem to never hit it. Pray they find help, because when they are gone, you are gone. Family may let go, friends will let go, you have let go. One thing you can let go of safely is the past that you may be holding on to. There is rarely an addict, without a story. There is rarely anyone without a story that could justify everything an addict has felt, however, there are other ways the story changes who they are. Your story has lead you to addiction.

You are not dying alone..
We can understand what brings some people  to addiction, however, at some point, you have to sit that baggage down and move beyond where it has taken you, because now, it is holding you back. It can be done. People get well every day. The problem is, most don't live long enough to find this out. Who is your enabler? Look closely, deeply and honestly, they are probably the one in the room, that have no joy left in their eyes. They are the ones that are forever exhausted, endlessly in debt, trapped by their love for you, and the fear of your death, and all the while, your enabler, is dying with you. Its a slow painful death.

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Understanding and helping an addict

Image via Wikipedia

Addiction is a disease that spreads through lives like a virus. It is a painful existence for all those involved and often the end result is death. Families often try many means to save their addict but most of these actions yield little results.  Many addicts end up using the failed tactics as an excuse to use further. There are many ways families deal with their addicted love one.

Shunning, is one way a family may try to teach an addict a "lesson". They feel if they avoid the addict, refuse all contact, and have nothing to do with the addict,  that the addict will learn their lesson and give up the addiction. Unfortunately, this tactic never works. The addict has a replacement for their sentimental attachments to their family, and it is the drug. No longer will withholding communication and love work, the addict has a new love, and it isn't the family anymore.

Reasoning, is also a useless  tool with the addict. Addicts can not be reasoned with because they have a chemically altered mind and as such, they are incapable of understanding legitimate reasoning. If reasoning alone would be effective, there would be no need for treatment. Treatment has to usually come first in order to really have effective reasoning with an addict. Many times the addict will go on the defensive and then use your attempts as an excuse to use more.

What can you do for an addicted family member? There really is only two things you can do for an addicted family member.

What will work
1. The first thing to do is get  them into treatment. See Treatment Centers.  This must be done early in the addiction process.  Failure to put them into a treatment center each and every time they ask for help that is not related to their recovery will set up a revolving door effect with them. They ask, you give, they get high, they become broke, they come back to you. The addict has to know this is the only help you will offer. No money, no rides, no roof over their head.
2. The second form of help for your addicted family member is to have them arrested if they operate a vehicle, care for an underage child, deal, sell or distribute.  This may seem extreme, but because death due to overdose or from a drug related incident is eminent, extreme forces are all that will work.
Love isn't effective
If your love alone could help them, it would be a beautiful thing. Sadly love means little to an addict. To save the addict you must resort to any and all extreme measures to save their life. If you feel you have done all you can, and the addict still hasn't made attempts to get well, you must prepare yourself mentally for their death.

Your health
One thing family members should understand completely is, you have to be well, and happy whether your addicted loved one is or not. It is key that the family surrounding the addict also be well and this is sometimes even harder than getting the addict into treatment. Support should be sought out to help you cope with your life and to master the proper skills and experience to truly help your loved one, and yourself from a lifetime of guilt and pain.  Families must recognize their own need for help, and recovery as well.  See  Online Support Groups. Another great source for family support is Narconon.

The bottom line
 Lastly, your addict has to deep inside want to get well. If they don't feel that deep need and desire they will fail at the recovery. All you can do is put a stop to all support that you have offered that involves anything but the addicts sobriety. 

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• Recovering addicts and depression during the holidays 
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• Recovering addicts and depression during the holidays 

*******Five things you should know about an addict

If you suspect you have an addict in your family there are things you must be aware of. There are hints that are extremely subtle that may go unnoticed for some time before the problem rears it's ugly head. Addiction has the ability to completely transform a person into a stranger you will not recognize. In the beginning of the illness, the effects of the addiction may be subtle, as time goes by, extreme.

1. Addicts do not know the truth-
an addict will never admit to using. Addicts not only go into deep denial themselves about their problem, but many times they except you to be blinded to it as well. Many will lie even when caught red handed. Do not believe anything an addict tells you.

2. Addicts need money-
If you suddenly find your addicted loved one hanging around be very wary. They need money to feed their addiction. Whether it is through selling your possessions or stealing your money, they will do whatever they need to do to feed their addiction.

3. An addict will manipulate-
Do not fall for some of the common manipulations your addict will use against you. Many will try to force you to give them money, rides etc. by using guilt, fear, and emotional abuse. They may have you believe their life is in peril, that it is your fault..do not fall for it, but stand strong. The only ride you should give them is into treatment, or to a police station.  Find out what your options are and never fall into the traps an addict will use on you.

4. An addict has a new love-
The addicted loved one will not get better without strong force. Shunning, rejection and the family refusing all forms of communication will usually not heal the addict.  When a family member becomes addicted, the drug replaces love of oneself, and love for others, so using forms of guilt that is dependant on an addicts love for you will not usually work. If you are willing to accept the consequences and no longer can do any more for an addict, this may be your only choice. For those still hoping to help the addict become well again, you have to realize what is effective and what isnt. Intervention, and in-patient treatment facilities are all that will work. Waste no time taking them. Use whatever means possible and then be willing to accept what that means completely.

5. Addicts don't fall far from the tree- 
 Take a look at your family. Many addicts come from a long line of other addicts. Though the addictions may be different, the capacity to become addicted is usually hereditary and can come out in any form, whether it is alcoholism, drugs, gambling, etc. Research and educate yourself, and find support. Time is of the essence, and in fact, time  is running out.

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Arm yourself for the battle

Image by Polina Sergeeva via FlickrHow to arm yourself for the battle:
I can not stress how important it is for addicts, and the family members of addicts to become educated on the subject of not only addiction but the type of addiction that you or your family member or friend may be using. Please understand, tough love is not just about shutting this person out of your life, and if you think this will cure them, it wont. Understand, the addict has a new love, a new family, and nothing you can do outside of intervention and treatment will help them.  The only way a true addict feels punished is when they have no access to their new love, the substance they crave. Some people think that if they just shut the addict out of their lives or shun them from the family to teach the addict a lesson. This should be a bottom line in an intervention, not the only thing the family does or the first thing a family should do. Everything you do short of intervention, and treatment is useless to the addict. The only thing an addict gets out of  an old fashioned shunning  is a new excuse to use, and abuse.That doesn't mean you have to have them around  night and day, that simply means take action. The only action that can give them a chance. Get them into treatment ANY WAY YOU CAN. Use all means and methods, trick them, lie, do what you have to do to get them where they need to be to get well. PERIOD.
Recognize what hasn't worked. My father stopped associating with his alcoholic father years prior to his passing. It did NOTHING to stop the man from drinking.
Use ultimatums as your bottom line. This you deliver at an intervention, preferably a professionally orchestrated intervention. It shouldn't be your first line of defense with any addict, because it just simply wont work. Friends of friends or distant family members will tell you to cut the addict off, as if the world were fashioned from only black and white scenarios. We all know this isn't realistic.  So how to do we go after this killer? This destroyer of lives and families?
Your first weapon is to read everything you can get your hands on. Educate yourself, knowing the enemy is half the battle. Symptoms, cause and effects..everything. Leave no resource unsought.

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Famous Addicts

Working With Drug Family Support GroupsThe Facts About Drug Use: Coping With Drugs and Alcohol in Your Family, at Work, in Your Community

Not bad people, just people that made bad decisions

Please try to remember the good that hides in the addict. They are still there. Deep beneath the addiction. Love them enough to do whatever you have to do to get them well. This does not mean take them "safely" to a dealer, or giving them "money" for their next fix so they won't break the law or do something horrible for the money instead. It means calling everyone you can think of for help, even the police. It means changing the locks on your door, it means reporting them if they are operating under the influence. It means calling their employer and letting them know. It means taking them straight to rehab, getting court orders and anything else you can think of to bring their bottom to them. You can not afford for the bottom to come on its own, because all too often the bottom is death.

Famous Addicts, In case you think you are alone....

This is just a small and PARTIAL list of famous addicts..
And check this out..: 

Drug Related Deaths

Betty Ford Kirsty Alley J. Paul Getty, Jr. Robert F. Kennedy, Jr. Robin Williams Robert Downey, Jr. Ray Kroc Eminem Patrick Kennedy Ben Affleck James Frey Nick Nolte Jan Michael Vincent Nick Carter Boy George Michael Jackson Keith Richards Robert Mitchum Judy Collins Rush Limbaugh Johnny Cash Joaquin Phoenix Pat O'Brien Elton John George Jones Kurt Cobain Courtney Love Leif Garrett John Belushi Eileen Brennan Daniel Baldwin Corey Feldman Corey Haim Marion Barry Whitney Houston Bobby Brown A. Whitney Brown Glen Campbell Dwight Gooden Darryl Strawberry Jerry Garcia Samuel L. Jackson Leonard Nimoy Kelly Osbourne James Brown Lenny Bruce Chevy Chase Robert Blake Eddie Van Halen David Crosby Judy Carne Billy Holiday Grace Slick Iggy Pop Richard Carpenter Dr. John Randy Moss Andy Dick Heidi Fleiss Pat Day Tara Conner Al Unser, Jr. Jim Ramstad Roy Simmons Bela Lugosi Mickey Rourke Naomi Campbell Patrick Swayze Ted Kennedy Haley Joel Osment Anna Nicole Smith Vitas Gerulaitis Ozzy Osbourne Stevie Ray Vaughan John McVie Hank Williams III Paul Williams Franz Wright Christopher Kennedy Lawford Annie Leibowitz Mackenzie Phillips Jo Dee Messina Danny Bonaduce Dennis Quaid Jenna Bush

Noelle Bush Dick Cheney Mel Gibson Michael Douglas Matthew Perry Charlie Sheen Paula Poundstone Kate Moss Ray Charles Johnny Depp Mary Tyler Moore Richard Dreyfuss Philip Seymour Hoffman John Daly Keith Moon Ted Turner George C. Scott Tony Curtis David Gahan Wynonna Judd Britney Spears Wilson Pickett Carrie Fisher Nell Carter Billy Bob Thornton Chris Webber Onterrio Smith Tom Sizemore Drew Barrymore Dick Van Dyke Larry Hagman James Galdolfini Pete Doherty Kiefer Sutherland Elizabeth Taylor Colin Farrell Etta James Rick James Buzz Aldrin Chris Penn Jason Priestley Prince Harry Tom Arnold Brett Butler Dionne Warwick Ken Caminiti Jennifer Capriati Tonya Harding Truman Capote Liza Minnelli Martin Lawrence Melanie Griffith Tatum O'Neal Lindsay Lohan Shelley Winters Eddie Money Jessica Hahn Christian Slater Alice Cooper Winona Ryder Demi Moore Nicole Richie David Bowie O.J. Simpson Jim Brown Joe Louis Mike Tyson Joe Namath Lawrence Taylor Steve Howe Gerry Cooney Dennis Rodman Dock Ellis David Soul Stacy Ann Ferguson "Fergie" Oliver Stone Jessica Sierra Chyna Representative Mark Foley Richard Pryor George Carlin Richard Lewis Rodney King Jean-Claude Van Damme Bo Bice (American Idol) Dr. Bob

Helping an addicted loved one

Corey Haim, child star of the Lost Boys etc, was found dead in his apartment from an apparent drug overdose at the age of 38. How do we fight this battle in our own families to avoid this tragic end? Sadly, drug use enters into a family much like a thief in the night. By the time you realize it, it is usually well in force. Read more here: Helping an addicted loved one

Not giving up the fight

I know you may feel beat down, and hopeless but giving up will not alleviate these feelings, in fact it will do just the opposite, while adding a big dose or "hit" if you will, of guilt. Do you honestly want to wake up one day saying "If only  I had not given up"? Find empowerment in everyday. Even if your words fall on deaf ears, and are said through tears, and your actions are not always seen. 


 The world is a cold hearted place when you choose to walk through it alone. Addicts, you are worth the love it takes to get better. You are worth the rewards that life has yet to bestow on you. You may have heard that you need to love yourself, and thought it a cliche. How else can the world know how beautiful you are until you display it through loving yourself?


Every day, wake up with the thought of recovery in your mind. Take one small step, no matter how tiny it is, and move a little closer to where you want to be. Death is over rated. You are in a world altered, and as such you are destined to be in denial. Trust those who love you, and what they say. Look for their pain, instead of always hiding behind yours. They are not using chemicals to get over it, or through it, or even to numb it. They are taking it on the chin, every day.

How to Identify The Alcoholic In Your Family - Info Barrel

How to Identify The Alcoholic In Your Family - Info Barrel
Alcoholism

is an addiction just like any other drug..
When I was growing up, my only concept of an alcoholic was a homeless wino on the street sipping out of a paper bag. Little did I know at the time, how wrong I was. This is my experience with an alcoholic loved one. 

When you love an addict

Addiction is a widespread plague across the globe. The odds of you or someone you love coming into contact with an addict are about 1 in 3. Sadly, this means that almost every American family has at least one person that is affected by addiction.

Emotional struggles

An addict in the family is like having a poison spread among you. Slowly but surely each member is impacted, changed, and hurt. Some may say they have shut the door on the situation, or washed their hands of it, but deep inside damage has already been done, whether they realize it or not. You are never really free of the impact it has had on you.

Keeping it in the closet, keeps addiction alive 

Finding support is a difficult process as so many family members with friends or loved ones that are addicted are ashamed and embarrassed to bring their problem up. Many loved ones in fact keep the family problem a secret from the outside world and this is a launch pad for manipulation from the addict. When an addict knows you'll protect them, they will take advantage of the situation and make the most of it. Guilt, pressure, threats are all weapons in the arsenal of an addict. what has to be understood is you are no longer dealing with your loved one as you once knew them. You are dealing with someone that has a chemically altered brain. They require different handling.

You aren't alone in this

Remember, almost every person you know, whether it is your preacher, doctor, friend, co-worker has someone in their life with your problem. They may even have it themselves. Once the shame can be put aside, and this terrible problem brought out, you will more than likely find tons of support. When it comes to addiction, shame is guilt's ugly cousin. Shame is a waste of time, and a way for the disease to conquer all of it's victims one by one. Keeping your burden to yourself is a way of protecting an addict, and yourself. However, in the long run it is silently enabling a situation to flourish.

Share with anyone who will listen

Sometimes the quickest way to find help and hope is by opening up to those people around you that you have been keeping addiction a secret from. Help and information comes in many forms and once you cross that bridge you will find healing. You will be amazed at the outpouring of love and support you will get. Not just from your immediate family, but online, from complete strangers. There is a whole world of people suffering right along with you, and many have even gone through worse. Share your experience, reach out to others, and also remember to help another in your search for support. Just because you are going through this terrible time, doesn't mean you can't offer help to someone else. They may be at a different place than you are, so whatever you've learned can be of a great help to them. Giving of yourself is a part of healing.

Online Support Groups

Related articles by this author:

• Recovering addicts: Avoiding triggers during the holidays 
• Celebrities that beat addiction 
• Celebrities that paid the price of addiction in 2011 

So how do you get through to an addict?

I

A fight you can't win?
Sadly, trying to win an argument with an addict is near impossible and ultimately when you try to reason with an addict an argument is what ensues. Keep in mind, you are in fact attempting to have a rational conversation with someone who's mind has been chemically altered.  You may find yourself in those slim moments of an addicts sobriety, when they are between hits, or drinks trying to make headway with them but their mind is still going to be in denial.

Can I get through to an addict?
You may not be able to get through to an addict. Why? Because Addicts have to hit their own bottom. Something you can do is get through to yourself. If you find yourself running into a brick wall with trying to "help" an addict it may be time to change up the strategy. That usually means looking at what you can change to make your struggle with them easier.  It may mean cutting yourself off from them. It may mean stopping all means of support. It may mean going to the most extreme to get them into treatment. The addict is on life support from whoever they can get something from and cutting this resource off from them may result in them finding their "bottom" a lot sooner.

What is something bad happens to your addicted loved one once you cut them off?
You may have fears of what will happen to an addict if you cut yourself off. What if they start stealing, resorting to prostitution, hanging out with dangerous people? You may have to accept that your addicted loved one is already doing these things, and that nothing they do, is any MORE dangerous than the drug they are addicted to. Sleeping under bridges, consorting with dealers, prostitution, are all no more dangerous than the drug is.

Support for yourself: It has to happen first
The addict may need support and treatment, but while they are still in their addiction it is imperative that you seek out information and support for yourself. Especially when you are preparing to cut yourself off from their manipulation, guilt trips and threats. Support groups in your area are a great way of you to find the strength that you need to make it through this nightmare. Do not limit your resources and support by keeping an addicts secret. This is a form of manipulation that you may be aware of when you hide their addiction. This cuts you off from the support you need when you feel you can't share your pain and struggle. Seek out help from anywhere you can.

Your journey with the addicted loved one
One thing to help a friend or family member stay sane in an unfair world of loving an addict is to keep a journal. Not only is writing your feelings down therapeutic to you, but when your addict becomes a clean and sober entity, (never give up hope)...present them with this journal, so that they can read it with a clear mind, and fully appreciate your struggle and your pain. Not to make them feel guilt, in fact, put many positive feelings in the journal, memories of better times, things you loved about them before the addiction, things you want and wish for them in the future. Once an addict gets treatment, cleans up and takes a look at your journal, your life with them as chronicled in the journal...you may be surprised to find a closer bond to them. They will see just how beautiful your love is for them. This will give them the courage, to keep sober, clean and a positive force of happiness to you.

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• Recovering addicts and depression during the holidays 
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Getting Stronger

The addicted family has to learn a few things when dealing with their addicted loved one. Your resolve has to match the strength of the addiction. This may mean taking drastic steps to fight the addict on every ground. If your addicted family member is employed, you may have to take the step of informing their employer. In some cases not only does it help the addict by removing a source of money to feed the addiction, but it also may save the addicts life as well as the life of someone else.


Many addicts hold down jobs for quite some time before it starts becoming noticeable in the workplace, and even then without some places implementing random drug testing, the liability is tremendous. One advantage an addicted family has over the addict is a sound mind. As the addict delves deeper and deeper into their addiction, rational thinking, the ability to recognize what is going on around them becomes diminished. With this in mind, families can band together to form a strong force. A count down is beginning. A count down that either leads to recovery or death.  Form a think tank with family and friends on ways to take down the addict's net of enablers. This can be people, jobs, bank accounts they have access to, etc.   Time is of the essence.


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What about the children?

Image via Wikipedia

If you have children in the family, and a relative, parent, or close friend are addicted, how do you handle it? Depending on their level of understanding and comprehension, you can usually explain things to them as honestly as possible. You should use a careful and well planned approach. I believe being honest with children is always the best policy, especially if they are asking about it. If they are too young, it may not be necessary to pull them in. If possible, don't pull them into it at all and protect them from any exposure, especially while the addict is under the influence. For the record, when I say addict, I mean an addict of drugs, alcohol, etc.

Tips for Addicted Families with Children

1. Never leave a child alone with an addict

2. Never leave a child/children in the care of an addict (even if the addict is the parent)

3. Do pay your child extra attention and give them not only plenty of love but positive support

4. Never ever put an addict and their needs in front of your child. Ever.

5. Children should never be in an addicts home. Many addicts have drugs, and drug paraphernalia that can be extremely dangerous and deadly to children.

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• Another South Carolina baby testing positive for drugs 
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Why The Addicted Family?

Image via Wikipedia Addicts are seldom a single entity. I for one, will go on record as saying, I don't like giving addicts excuses by blaming their families. That being said, the reason for the title The Addicted Family is because the whole family is made ill by the addiction.

If you ever spent a sleepless night, or rode around looking for your addict all over town, or lied to people to cover for the addict, you're just as ill as they are. Don't fret, this is how love copes initially with this type of disease.

We do things, in the name of love that defy logic in the eyes of those not in this vortex. We even imitate some of the addicts behavior. No? Have you ever lied, even though it went against what you believe in?

Have you ever given them money that you knew wasn't all yours to give to help them get a fix so they wouldn't get sick? Have you helped them break the law by driving them to where ever they go to  get what they need?

You become an addict, you are addicted to them, their life, their needs come before your own. You are absorbed into their soul, and your happiness is only when you know where they are, and that they are ok...for the moment. When you see them, you are getting your temporary fix.

You breathe a sigh of relief when they finally show up at your door, and collapse on your couch. Maybe they were out all night, maybe they drove a car under the influence...no matter what the circumstances, you are now like the addict, once he pulls that strap off his arm, or has that final drink before he passes out.

This is why the family is now the addicted family. Its no dig on you, you've done what you could. What lies in store for your happiness now? Does it all hinge on the addict? Does it all come down to what they are going to  do, or does it fall squarely in your lap, and what you will no longer do?

There is light at the end of the tunnel for addiction

Image via Wikipedia

To those here seeking support. There is hope.  I know that sounds simple, perhaps too simple, and I wouldn't even utter these words if I did not know for a fact that this is true. There is light at the end of the tunnel.

My loved one was addicted to two separate things, alcoholism, and crack. Lovely combination, right? The alcoholism, existed to my knowledge beyond 20 years. The crack came much later. However, it is important to note that one is a red flag of the other. How so? The disease is an equal opportunity employer. The same mentality that makes a soul succumb to alcohol, will also make this person succumb to any addictive, mood altering, chemical and/or behavior.

 This doesn't mean that every alcoholic becomes a drug addict, nor every addict an alcoholic..what it does mean is the likelihood of this becoming a multi-level addiction is there, and the condition is transferable, all encompassing. You will notice many are addicted to a lot of substances and behavior, including but not limited to sex, cigarettes, & gambling-any form of gambling, whether it is casino style, placing bets of any kind on a regular basis even to the detriment of their financial stability, and also buying compulsively-lottery tickets.

So you may feel you are up against a true legion of sorts. You are, but hopeless? No. As of today, my addicted loved one is clean and sober for over three years. How long were they in treatment? All of ten days! Yes, now am I not by any means saying ten days is all it takes? No. Everyone is different. These results may not be typical, but my reason for mentioning it is simply to let you know, there is hope, there is light at the end of the tunnel. Don't you dare give up. I will say this, if Mohamed won't come to the mountain, the mountain must be brought to him.

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Finding support, overcoming the shame

Image via Wikipedia Lets face it, there are support groups everywhere. Some ~ you have to attend to physically, at other times you rally your support in the form of friends and relatives. It's still a lonely existence. Friends and family, hopefully can offer some support but more often than not, they will not understand. No doubt you will be told to seek guidance from a wide variety of outlets and its great for some, but not a perfect fit for others. The best place to find support is from those who have gone through it, lived the nightmare and come out on the other side in one piece.

This is my story.  My wish is that you will find hope in this painful journey, hope and help before it comes to the worse end possible.  A very wise and cherished friend once told me, in my weakened state of co-dependency, "You have to be happy whether your loved is or not"...those words ring in my mind, every day, a life saving Mantra if you will. Now advice was actually in all honesty in relation to a separate issue altogether, but alas, it works for the family members of an addict as well. You have to go on, live, be happy and function. So often we are pulled under, and into the depths of an addicts Hell. They are blind to it, and oddly enough, it is all you can think about.

So where is the support, calling all cars, the infantry? Let's say first and foremost, it comes from within. You can not fight this beast until you summon your strength inside. This is a beast by the way, make no mistake..and they have your loved one, and you held hostage. Overcoming this beast is about overcoming some of the emotional hang ups you have and becoming the thinking man. Beating addiction is a strategy, make no mistake about it.

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Helping an addicted loved one

Addiction is a disease that poisons whole families.

Image via Wikipedia

Corey Haim, child star of the Lost Boys etc, was found dead in his apartment from an apparent drug overdose at the age of 38.

How do we fight this battle in our own families to avoid this tragic end? Sadly, drug use enters into a family much like a thief in the night. By the time you realize it, it is usually well in force. Family members find themselves in unfamiliar territory as they journey through this devastating attack on their loved ones. Fighting a drug problem, whether your own or a family members takes courage and determination. Summoning support for a wide variety of resources is the only way to combat it head on. 

Image via Wikipedia

 
Strength in numbers-

You are not alone. Once you realize you have a member of your family or a friend that is an addict, take a hold of yourself. Your strength wont only help you, it will help them. Find friends, get over the shame, and realize many people out there know how to help you, even if its just through mutual compassion and understanding. You need this reinforcement, you're up for a huge battle and you have to be ready to call on support. An addict can manipulate, lie, steal and trick you in their attempts to gain money and other means of support from you. You need others input to help you. You also need to use some of the addicts own methods to help them. Tactics to battle this disease often times means using many methods, if you have to trick them, or lie to get them the help they need do not hesitate. Every minute of addiction is one more nail in the users coffin. Tomorrow will not be easier than today.

Get educated-

Know what signs to look for. Some to keep an eye out for is lying, dilated pupils, blood shot eyes, sweating, snoring or unsettling sleep patterns, shortness of breath, irrational behavior, change in personality and temper. Research the drug, and the information that is available. Your local library and your own computer offers a wealth of information on the subject. To fight any disease is to have the right knowledge.

Plan your confrontation ahead of time-

Summon your support and round up your family and friends to help. Tell them you care and love them and know in your heart that they are a good person that made a bad decision. Say what you mean and mean what you say. An addict will sleep in the gutter if they have to, so idle threats are of no use to them. You have to make them understand the extremes you are willing to go to. If it means calling their employer, or reporting them to the police do so. You are fighting for their life, and regret is a painful thing to live with if you do nothing and they die. Don't cover for them. Don't make life easy for them. Use any means necessary to get them into treatment. If they are really bad off, get them help immediately. Do not waste time with outpatient services. They need inpatient round the clock care.

Get counseling for yourself-

There are wonderful support groups out there for you, and your family.

Do know, that people do overcome addiction. Do not give up, addiction takes dedication to recovery. Yours and your loved ones. Relapses may occur, but the ongoing key to lifetime recovery is lifetime commitment to fight it.

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